I apologise for the depressing tone of the last post, and I haven't found a cause for it yet, other then what I stated. I will return to the intellectual, formal essays that I began this blog with soon, but at the moment I'm a little more preoccupied with another thing; my Birthday.
Yes, in approximately 4 hours I will officially be 18 years of age, and with that I will be able to drink alcohol and earn more money. Isn't it bizarre that despite the fact I was born in the early hours of the morning I still wait for exactly 00.00 to call myself 18, but then again so does everyone.
At the big 1-8, you find yourself looking at what you have and haven't done in life, and where you thought you'd be now. Being on the computer to wind away the final hours of childhood was predictable, even from when I was young. And I've always had a passion for writing, so it's no surprise that I'm typing away right now.
There is a lot of things that I didn't expect, however. For one thing, I never expected to be in love, and caught up in someone else. I've always found myself as a independent, singular person, especially with relationships, so this is a surprise. I also completely did not expect to be holding a bear while typing, occassionally squeezing its chest to hear a mechanical heartbeat.
I guess I always expected to be out on the town, with a glass filled with a highly alcoholic liquid - well, probably Baileys - singing away the last few minuits, surrounded by friends.
So, what caused this difference? Is it the fact that I've changed, or just circumstances? My birthday being on Tuesday didn't help matters, especially on the day after May Day. I also have a disliking of pubs, especially when there's always a chance that I'll be IDed and thrown out, so I wouldn't find myself out tonight anyway. But I'm not doing anything for this special occassion, even when I can legally drink.
It's strange how many people say to me "Oh, I didn't do anything for my 18th either". You always expect that it would be the one where you would go out and party even more then any other because it's special. but that's exactly the reason why people don't. We've been celebrating every party before this one - the one that you look forward to your whole life - and now to make it stand out we just give up and relax, and do exactly what you want.
Maybe I'll have a drink at midnight, then get back to sleep.
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