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Writing helps me a lot during the difficult times. I don't turn to writing because I feel that it helps, though. I turn to it because I feel that I need it. When I can't allow myself to have other breaks to this feeling, to stop myself from doing something as harmless as typing a few words would be stupid.

I have told two of my friends how far I've been going through this. I have strict orders to go to make a doctors app tomorrow, which is fair and good advice. And though I know it's right, I still want to talk myself out of it. I don't want to go. I feel like I known what they'll say anyway, but at the same time I don't know. Bit if someone can help break this I'll take that chance.

So, tomorrow is doctors and eye appointment. I hope at least one of them can help me.

Ive found I'm even suffering at work. I feel lost, unwilling to take on more jobs especially when they include talking to the customer. And I live in a place where 'alright' is a greeting. No, thank you, I'm not alright.

At least I've been talking to my friends in Liverpool. I think the chance to live with at least one of them might be really achievable. The hard part is of course getting the job in the first place. Difficult while you don't live there and websites have much to be desired.

I still need to check out pgl for a job. Apparently they offer accommodation with a job. I'll look into it now.