Please.... Just don't make me say it...

It's the night before I leave for university and I'm crying on my bed, alone.

Why?

There was meant to be a big get together with my friend and her boyfriend with me and mine. I'd already got the dates wrong, thinking it might have been yesterday, so I made sure that I texted her early in the day so I would have a chance for her to reply. I know she doesn't have signal in her house so I wasn't surprised that she didn't reply. It was starting to get late, though, and I was even trying to stay on MSN and see if she was there, but to no avail.

At 8.30 I began to get annoyed and phoned up her house. Her dad told me that she was in the shower, I assumed it would be getting ready to go out. He said she would tell her to call me back. 3/4s of an hour went past with no word, so I called again. I was greeted again with her father, who told me she was on her way to the metrocenter of all places and apparently she'd told him that she'd already called back!

So I tried her mobile. For once, it was in signal, but after a while of phoning I heard a busy background, then silence. She'd hung up on me. That really hurt. I tried again and after a while it went to voicemail.

All the while I was hovering around the house, looking for things to do and waiting for some sort of reply. I was telling my mum and her boyfriend, and when they heard they told me it was disgraceful - leaving me on my last night in Hexham with no clue what to do. That was apparently not what I wanted to hear because I suddenly started crying. I ran back upstairs before they could see, texting her to call me when she could. She still hasn't.

I've been wanting to cry for a while. I think another bit that sparked me off was when I was talking about what I could do if my friend wasn't coming. I had to see Karl, but I didn't want to wait that long, and I really didn't want to go out again. To be honest, I didn't even want to see Karl. I still don't. I just want to be able to text him and say 'See you in a month'. I really don't want to say goodbye, and its making my tears come back just thinking about it. This is it - 100% goodbye for so long, without any chance of seeing him again before I go, and I just can't face that.

Please don't make me....